The New Rose Elric
by Juunshi
Summary: The day Rose had always been waiting for- marriage to the man of her dreams. That golden-haired boy who had always looked out for her. The one who gave her hope to walk on her own. Now she would always walk with him. Challenge from theretard5892 EdxRose


**-Mird: I've been challenging people to write stuff lately. It's fun!**

**Camille: Oh oh oh! Give **_**me**_** a challenge! A hard one!**

**Mird: Hmmm… *deep thought* …Okay, I've got it.**

**Camille: Yay! What is it, what is it?!**

**Mird: Write a pairing…With Ed…and **_**Rose**_**.**

**Camille: …**

**Mird: …**

**Camille: …**

**You're evil.-**

**AND THUS BEGAN THE CHALLENGE!**

* * *

She paced outside the double-doors to the church. When they opened, her new future would begin. She looked towards one of the stain-glass windows, light shining on her face. Fiddling with one of the frills on her white many-layered gown, her heart pounded and her face blushed under the veil. She jumped as a single knock came from on the other side of the thick wood- her cue that she would soon be walking towards what was now her new life. Rose was excited, and nervous, beyond words for her wedding day.

The doors opened, and Rose began to walk down the aisle, surrounded by all the people in the pews. Some of her friends from Leor, all in tears with emotional smiles on their faces. Pinako, with a completely straight face yet a hint of a smirk, and Winry, looking proud and a bit teary-eyed. Riza, accompanied by Mustang, because the second Rose's fiancé invited her, the Colonel invited himself. Word had, apparently, also spread to Havoc, Fuery, Falman, and Breda, them being other subordinates and all. Her fiancé had also introduced her to Gracia and Elisia earlier, and they were also here, Elisia laughing and squirming in her seat for a better look. Rose could've sworn she saw Alphonse with a tear in his eye, but he turned away and looked back at her with clear eyes and a kind smile. Flowers adorned the church as far as the eye could see, and music from a piano filled the air.

But Rose was focused on one thing ahead of her- her beautiful, golden-haired lover. His amber eyes turned towards her, and she felt her face redden. But he broke into a happy grin and held out his hand to her. Rose took Edward's hand and they faced the priest, together.

"Rose, do you take Edward to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

She looked up at him, not even thinking twice. "I do."

"And Edward, do you take Rose to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Edward, however, DID think twice.

He smiled, and spoke in a very calm, good-natured voice.

"Fuck, no."

"You may now kiss the- wait, what?!" The priest was Cornello, who cares how he came back to life, and he stood with a look of shock on his stupid, fatty, bald, corrupted face. But Rose's slutty-ness has made her deaf, so she went in for the kiss anyways. Edward punched her very hard with his right arm of justice and whatshits and she flew backwards, blood squirting out of her nose and mouth, three teeth knocked out of her dislocated and broken jaw, and hit the wall, braking her backbone, spine and, for good measure, her spleen.

"No, Edward...My...Love...Why...?" Rose muttered incoherently as she died a slow, painful, bloody, epic and angsty dea-

Suddenly, she caught sight of Edward grabbing Winry by the shoulders and kissing her forcefully. She threw her arms around Ed and kissed him back. The force of their making out caused them to lose balance and fall behind the pews, but that didn't stop them. As she watched the scene of love, Rose turned green with envy.

"Why am I here?" Envy looked around in confusion.

Suddenly the cast of Wicked the musical burst into the church and started gawking and singing at green Rose.

"How can it be?!"

"What does it mean?!"

"It's atrocious!"

"It's obscene!"

"Like a froggy ferny cabbage, the baby is unnaturally GREEEEEEEN!!!"

Envy got annoyed with the singing people, so he killed Boq, Fiyero and Madame Morrible and sent the other characters home because most of them were to cool to die.

..._Most_ of them.

Being the angsty, emotional and inferior-brained character she was, Rose was extremely confused by the sudden appearance of a cast of musical actors, but she had other things to worry about. Like Alphonse, Edward and Winry (who had finished kissing) coming towards her with various objects in their arms.

"Oh, here, Rose," Alphonse said, with a mischievous look on his face, "I baked this chocolate chip cookie for you. Do you want it?"

"Oh, Alphonse, I knew I could trust-" Rose was silenced by Al shoving the cookie down her throat, making speech and breathing impossible.

"Here, Rose!" Edward grinned evilly. "I found you a new boyfriend." He tossed a life-size cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen at her. Because of the lack of oxygen, Rose could not determine the difference between man and cardboard, and her mind created the hallucination that a sparkly gay vampire was kissing her. So imagine the expressions of onlookers as they saw Rose making out with some cardboard. Yeah. That'd be pretty weird to watch, wouldn't it? So weird, that Winry's mind imploded and sent her on a berserker rage. She grabbed Rose and her sparkly gay cardboard, threw her in a bag filled with poison ivy leaves, beat the shit out of her with a golf club and hit her over the head with a disco ball, effectively shattering the remains of Rose's skull and shriveled brain.

And then Mustang burned her corpse because Camille forgot to give him something to do in this story and he was bored. He kept flaming it and flaming it and flaming it-

Suddenly, Roy was kicked off ffnet because flaming users is against the rules. The military people were bored without their leader, so they lit fireworks and passed out sparklers to hold a memoriam for their Colonel Bastard.

"And also cuz it's the 4th of July, even though US independence has nothing to do with FMA," said Mird logically.

"Really? Well, I'll be a star-spangled-banner, whodathunkit?" Camille lit off some bottle rockets and played with fire. She turned to Mird. "Hey, wanna make an official, yet, unnecessarily epic appearance in this fic?"

Mird shrugged. "Why not?"

Camille and Mird burst into the church, the doors banging against the wall rather loudly and attracting the attention of everyone within a 3.7 mile radius, in a fairly epic fashion. Camille glomped Edward because he's super hawt, and Mird and Al huggled each other because they're in _luuuuuv_. Also, the last time Camille went to a wedding she got sick before they exchanged vows and ate the cake, meaning that Camille didn't get any sugary goodness. So Camille OM NOM NOMed the three-layer wedding cake which was chocolate because chocolate is nummy.

Lastly, Mird stole Riza's gun and shot Camille in the head because Camille is a boring stoopud, effectively ending this fanfikshu-

**BLAM**

**THE END**

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**1085 words. YES. Happy 4****th****, USA peeps. :D Oh yeah, the thing with Rose getting killed by a bunch of random objects: Mird added to the challenge by making me kill her with a chocolate chip cookie, a life-size cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen, a bag of leaves, a golf club and a disco ball. She told me to do this while she watched Fineus and Ferb.**

**Review!**

**By the way, anyone else realize that Rose has no last name?!**


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